


what we grow to be

by indragram



Series: we can't choose our fate [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-01-09
Packaged: 2018-09-14 07:00:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9167422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indragram/pseuds/indragram
Summary: “It matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be.” - Albus Dumbledore(Lexa's never been allowed to escape the weight of her parent's legacyORhpau but Lexa's pov this time)





	1. First Year

**Author's Note:**

> y'all i've had this sitting on my computer for fucking ages but i never got around to finishing it or posting it, so I'm gonna start doing it, year by year
> 
> warning, it might get super angsty bc thats the kinda person i am lol

Lexa’s fingers are curled around the handlebar of her trolley, gripping it tightly as she weaves through the forest of bodies. She catches snippets of conversations as the crowds swarm and buzz around her, their lives twisting and knotting into a tapestry of noise around her. 

 

Her grip on the trolley tightens, anchoring herself to the moment, to her possessions. The tannoy system crackles to life above her, announcing that a train to Nottingham is leaving soon. 

 

Lexa grimaces at the static. The words blur together into a drone and Lexa hates it. 

 

She hates that she doesn’t know where she’s going or what she’s doing.

 

The trolley squeaks and jerks off to the left, its wheel spinning madly. One of the guards steps forwards to ask if she needs help - if she’s lost - and she jolts away, pushing further into the bustling bodies. 

 

She sees a sign for Platform Nine and pauses. Lexa knows that there will be a secret entrance somewhere - otherwise the muggles would be able to get onto the train, and that would cause problems - but the problem is, she has no idea how to find it.

 

Anything around her could be made into a secret entrance, and the station is huge, so Lexa has no idea where to start. 

 

She hovers in the space between Platforms Nine and Ten, shifting indecisively on her feet.

 

“Hey kid,” Lexa tenses, looking up to find a blonde girl, who is maybe a couple of years older than her, staring down at her, “You lost?”

 

Lexa is quiet for a moment, and just as she opens her mouth to say a polite ‘No thank you, I’m fine’, a man trips and spills his coffee on some other man in the crowd, and suddenly they’re both shouting and swearing, and Lexa can’t help but grin at the sight of two aged men, with suits and red faces, cursing viciously at each other.

 

The blonde scoffs and mutters, “Muggles.”

 

Lexa perks up, blurting out; “Are you-” before remembering that they are in a muggle dense area, and tugs at the girls sleeve instead, waiting for her to lean down before whispering, “Are you a _wizard?_ ”

 

“In the flesh.” The girl grins, then tilts her head at the younger brunette, “You looking for the platform?”

 

Lexa nods.

 

“Come on, kid, I’ll show you.” She flicks her head to the right, then turns and walks towards the pillars running between platforms nine and ten, “Oh, um, name’s Anya. I’m second year.” Anya smiles, holding out her hand to the other girl.

 

Lexa removes one hand from the handlebar and shakes the girls proffered one, “My name is Lexa.” she says, carefully, and Anya smiles.

 

“Alright kiddo,” she turns and points at the wall, “Have at it.”

 

Lexa frowns, “What?”

 

The girl laughs, “The wall is the passageway. You’ve got to go through it.” Lexa’s eyebrows furrow further, and she glares at the wall. “Maybe try running at it, I hear that helps some people with their nerves.” 

 

“I’m _not_ nervous.” Lexa growls, then she straightens her back and walks calmly through the wall. 

 

Anya watches as the small form disappears through the brickwork and whistles lowly, before chuckling to herself, “What a kid.”

 

//

 

Lexa makes her way towards the back of the train in search of an empty compartment. It isn't until she reaches the very back few carriages that she finds one, and as soon as she enters it, she climbs onto the seat and pushes her small, battered trunk into the rack that runs along the top of the compartment. 

 

Pulling her slightly tattered copy of ‘A History of Magic’ out of her backpack, she settles stiffly into the seat by the window.

 

She is mostly left alone in the compartment, the compartment itself being far enough towards the back of the train that not many people could be bothered to walk all the way down to it, and it isn’t until later, after the trolley lady has come and gone, that the door to the compartment is slid open. 

 

Lexa looks up and stares at the girl, whose head is poking through the doorway. She’s blonde, and her pink lips are curved into a timid smile. 

 

When Lexa says nothing, the blonde steps into the compartment. Lexa’s brows furrow when the girl sets a small paper bag on the seat next to her, “You looked sad when I passed by earlier,” the girl tucks an errant strand of blonde hair behind her ear, blue eyes fixed on the floor, “My father always tells me that food is the best way to cheer people up, so I got you a pumpkin pasty, because they’re my favourite.” She pauses, taking a deep breath and waiting for the brunette’s reaction.

 

Lexa swallows, staring at the small bag, “Thank you.” she says, softly.

 

The blonde nods, grinning, “Anyway, so I hope you don’t completely hate pumpkins because I don’t actually have anything else I can give you.” She laughs, shrugging apologetically.

 

“I like pumpkins.” Lexa confirms, lips quirked.

 

“Okay,” The other girl nods again, slowly, before continuing more enthusiastically,  “Okay, that’s good! I hope you enjoy your pasty, then.” The blonde beams at Lexa, then turns and leaves the compartment, leaving the brunette alone. 

 

Lexa picks up the paper bag tentatively, opening it so that she can see the sweet treat.

 

She takes a careful bite from the corner and the soft pastry crumbles, filling her mouth with the warm, rich, pumpkin filling. Lexa smiles, eyes closed as she enjoys the pasty - she’s never had one before. It’s big and messy, and nothing at all like the dainty portions she’s grown used to having at home. 

 

She wonders who the blonde is and if they’ll get sorted into the same house. She wonders if maybe they could be friends in the future. 

 

Lexa thinks she would like that.

 

//

 

She finds out the blonde girl’s name during the ceremony, when Professor Kane reads out ‘Griffin, Clarke’, and the blonde steps forwards, accepting the hat and sitting tentatively on the stool. The girl - _Clarke_ \- didn’t look afraid to be sitting in front of the entire school, and the hat had made its decision within around a minute. 

 

“Slytherin!” declared the hat, and Clarke had grinned and jumped up, moving towards a sea of cheering green ties.

 

Lexa frowned; her parents had been in Slytherin. She hadn’t thought that people so kind as Clarke would belong there.

 

It isn’t until a little while later, as Professor Kane is going through the list alphabetically, that Lexa hears her own name called.

 

“Woods, Lexa!” 

 

The murmuring amongst the seated students stops. Heads immediately twist towards the small stool at the front of the room, eyes fixed on the eleven year old as she steps forwards. The silence, however, lasts only a moment before whispers break out along the tables like wildfire, hissing and spitting and burning, and the brunette clenches her jaw, staring out at the crowd.

 

The last thing Lexa sees before the brim of the hat drooped over her eyes was the Hall full of people frowning and leaning and shoving to get a good look at her. The dark inside of the hat crowds Lexa’s vision. She waits.

 

“Hmm,” says a small voice in her ear, and Lexa stiffens, “Difficult. Very difficult. Plenty of intelligence, yes, you have good _mind_. And a thirst to _prove_ yourself, no matter the cost... but where to put you?”

 

Lexa clenches her jaw and hopes. She hopes that it will be anywhere but Slytherin. She hopes that she will be put somewhere - _anywhere_ \- where the shadow of her parents won’t haunt her.

 

Anywhere but Slytherin.

 

She _won’t_ become them.

 

“Anywhere but Slytherin, you say?” Murmurs the small voice, “Are you sure? Slytherin could lead you to great things - no? Well, if you’re sure... better be Ravenclaw!”

 

The applause is muted, a splattering of half-hearted claps, but Lexa doesn’t care - so long as she’s not in Slytherin, she’s satisfied. 

 

She spends the majority of dinner glancing over at the Slytherin table, trying to catch another glimpse of the blonde. The other Ravenclaws had mostly shifted away from her when she came to sit at the table, having heard and recognised the surname ‘Woods’, but Lexa ignored this, simply gritting her teeth and pouring herself a cup of juice. 

 

Anya, the blonde from the station, plops herself down next to Lexa about five minutes into dinner, and when a kid a couple of seat away says ‘Do you think she’s _really_ their daughter?’, and three heads turn to study her, Anya promptly told them to fuck off.

 

Lexa supposes that they’re wondering why the school’s board let the daughter of two monsters join the school. She wonders if Clarke thinks she’s a monster too, given that everyone now knows who her parents are. 

 

Lexa wonders if Clarke would have still given her the pasty on the train, if she had known what she does now.

 

//

 

Lexa receives her timetable a couple of days later and frowns when she realises that she won’t have any classes with Clarke. She isn’t sure if it would have mattered if she had - Lexa doubts she would have had the courage to strike up conversation with the blonde anyway. She isn’t sure her heart would be able to take it if the blonde had rejected her.

 

They don’t talk for the rest of the year.

 

//

 


	2. Second Year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> have some more lil low-key angst lexa

Diagon Alley is teeming with people. Lexa is stuck in the crowd and sweating from the combination of the late summer sun and the mass of bodies packed in tightly around each other when she hears her.

 

“Dad I’m telling you, you’re wrong!” She exclaims, and Lexa looks over just in time to see the short blonde push (who Lexa assumes is) her father, “Mango is by far the best flavour!”

 

The pair are standing outside of Florean Fortescue’s Ice Cream Parlour, just to the side of the doorway. There’s a woman standing next to the pair, her brunette hair pulled back into a ponytail, and she’s looking fondly at them as they bicker.

 

“You can try and spread your lies all you want, Clarkie,” The man grins, one hand reaching down to mess up Clarke’s hair, making her pout even more, “but I’m older and wiser, so I know that chocolate is far superior to your fruity nonsense. Isn’t that right, sweetie?” He turns to grin at the brunette woman, and she swats at his blonde mop of hair.

 

“Oh no, you’re not getting me involved in this one, Jake, I’m Switzerland.”

 

“But I’m your _favourite_ husband! You're supposed to take _my_ side!” He moans, pouting in an exaggerated fashion, and Clarke giggles. 

 

Just as Lexa steps towards the shop, a boy crashes into her, and she falls, her books scattering across the cobbled floor. The boy - she recognises him from school - extends an arm as though to help her up, but he quickly withdraws it when he sees her face. 

 

“You should have stayed at home, Woods,” He spits, jaw clenched, “You’re not worth the dirt you sit on.” He kicks one of her books to the side, then disappears into the crowd.

 

By the time she has gathered her collection of books, now even more damaged and dirty than they had been, back into her arms, Clarke and her parents have disappeared. Lexa frowns, but pushes herself up and towards the small shop anyway. 

 

The brunette stuffs a hand into her pocket, scrounging around for the change she knows should be there. With a small feeling of satisfaction, she withdraws four small silver sickles and a couple of knuts. 

 

//

 

She leaves the shop a few minutes later with a cone of mango ice cream and a small smile on her face.

 

//

 

The trip from the train to the castle is different in second year; Lexa watches as eager eleven year olds are ushered to the other end of the platform, down towards the Lake, so that they can board the fleet of boats.

 

Instead, Lexa is funnelled through the dreary Hogsmeade station and onto the dark, rain spattered road outside, where the carriages are waiting for them. Lexa inhales sharply when she sees the creatures standing between the carriage shafts. The brunette furrows her eyebrows, examining them. Their bodies are horse-like in nature, but completely fleshless. Every bone is visible and Lexa finds herself wondering how such a creature can live and breath and move, since she can see no heart. The faces of the creatures remind the brunette of the dragons she has read about and their white, pupil-less eyes stare unblinkingly at the crowd of students as they push and shove their way onto the carriages. Spanning the lengths of their backs are fragile pairs of black wings which seem almost paper thin, and Lexa can’t imagine that they would be able to support the entire weight of the creatures.

 

The dragon-horses seem too sinister for the scene of teenagers smiling and laughing and catching each other up on the holidays. They shake their heads against their reins and snort and scratch at the ground with their hooves.

 

Last year, Anya had told her that there would be horseless stagecoaches for this journey, and Lexa wonders now why her friend would lie. Did Anya think that she would be scared of them?

 

The brunette approaches an empty carriage near the back carefully, eyes fixed on the creature attached to the reins. 

 

“Lexa!” 

 

The brunette’s head whips around when she hears her name. She spots Anya leaning out of the window of a nearby carriage and her lips quirk. She moves towards the carriage quickly, hopping in after Anya throws the door open for her.

 

“Took you long enough.” The blonde smirked, “It’s not a long journey from the station to here, Lex, how’d you get so lost?”

 

“I was looking at the horse things.” Lexa replies, succinctly, “Didn’t think you’d miss me _that_ much, Ahn.”

 

“You can see them too?” Lexa whips her head around, staring at Gustus who she hadn’t noticed. He’s a fifth year Slytherin, and a family friend of Anya’s. She had met him last year, but hadn’t had much of a chance to get to know him.

 

“Yeah,” Lexa pauses, then turns to look at Anya and ask, “Can’t everyone?”

 

“No, kid,” The blonde looks over at Gustus and they share a dark look, “Gus can, I can’t. Most people can’t actually.”

 

“Why not?”

 

There’s a heavy pause following Lexa’s question. Anya and Gustus appear to have some kind of silent argument, before the blonde exhales loudly and says, somberly, “You can only see them when you’ve seen death.”

 

Lexa clenches her jaw as bursts of green light flash across her mind.

 

“People think they’re bad omens, you know, because of the whole _death_ thing,” Gustus continues, scratching his head, “But they’re actually pretty cool, I think. Plus you’ve got that whole exclusivity thing. Welcome to the club, by the way, I’m pretty sure Ahn was starting to think that I’ve just been lying the whole time.” He laughs, but Lexa doesn’t smile at his feeble attempt to lighten the mood, and his smile quickly morphs into a frown when the blonde kicks him.

 

Anya changes the subject to the upcoming school year, but Lexa mostly stays out of the conversation, spending the rest of the journey staring out of the rain streaked windows as Hogsmeade slowly gets farther and farther away, until it has completely disappeared from sight.

 

//

 

A month into the first term, Gustus takes Lexa into the forest to see the Thestrals.

 

“The Ministry think that they’re dangerous.” He tells her as he runs his hand down the back of one, “People have this idea that they’re evil, or some kind of harbinger of death, just because you can only see them after you’ve seen someone die, but they’re _not_.” He raises his hand towards the creature’s face, and it steps forwards, butting gently into his palm. “They’re misunderstood,” Gustus tells her, “People are scared of them and shun them because of rumours or superstition or something, so no-one bothers to try and see them for what they really are.”

 

Lexa smiles, softly, “What do _you_ think they are?”

 

“ _Good_.” 

 

//

 

Lexa starts to visit the Thestrals weekly. She feels a connection to these creatures.She sneaks out pieces of meat from the kitchen and brings them with her, feeding them to the younger animals when they walk towards her, their legs stick thin and knocking together.

 

Over time, the Thestrals begin to trust her, even the older ones stand to greet her when she arrives, and for the first time, Lexa feels a sense of belonging. These creatures are outcasts. Most people can’t see them, and most of those that can think that they’re evil, just because of some story they heard once. 

 

The Thestrals are never given a chance to be anything but the villain in a narrative someone else wrote for them.

 

//

 

At the end of the school year, students have to choose electives for the next year, and in the weeks running up to the end of term, it seems that this decision is all the second years can talk about.

 

Students have to choose at least two from Divination, Arithmancy, Study of Ancient Runes, Care of Magical Creatures, Muggle Studies. 

 

Lexa knows that she wants to take up Muggle Studies; she wants to learn more about these people her parents hated so much. Even if they’ll never find out, she wants to do something that she knows they’ll be against, and she thinks that maybe the choice will prove that she’s not the person her parents were. 

 

As for her other elective, Lexa has no idea what to choose.

 

//

 

“You want to take _Divination_?” The brunette exclaims loudly, before switching to a loud whisper when the librarian glares at her, “Clarke, why? I thought we’d agreed that we would take Ancient Runes together!”

 

“But Runes’ll be so _boring_ ,” The blonde groans, “Didn’t you hear what Bell said? It’s just hours and hours of staring at rocks.”

 

“ _Exactly_.” Lexa chances a glance over, and sees Clarke’s friend grinning and nudging the blonde with her elbow, “It’s the easiest elective, it’ll take like a week to memorise the syllabus and then we won’t have to worry about it all year - why are you looking at me like that, Clarke? It’s perfect!”

 

“I’m already taking Care of Magical Creatures as my easy subject, I want to take something that actually interests me. Maybe I’ll learn how to make cool prophecies and predict the future.”

 

“Oh _please_ , you and I both know that Professor Jaha is battier than Bell is the night before a big match, there’s no way you’ll _actually_ learn how to do anything in his class.”

 

“Shut up, Rae.” The blonde laughs, turning towards Lexa, and the Ravenclaw quickly ducks back down to her book, her cheeks hot.

 

//

 

Lexa returns her electives form the next day, complete with the words ‘Muggle Studies’ and ‘Divination’ in flowing cursive.

 

//

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope u enjoyed :)

**Author's Note:**

> so thats a quick intro, theres not a lot of detail in most of it but its like backstory until sixth year so....
> 
> hope u enjoyed, and u can come find me at wverly.tumblr.com if u wanna <3


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